Thursday, November 5, 2009

Art Critic Translations

This. Is. Beautiful.

From his 1996 book, Picasso’s Sweet Revenge, art critic Ephriam Kishon (who hates modern art and its pretentious flaks with a passion) takes a phrase from a review of a modern art write-up and translates it into what it really is. Kinda like Defense Department “entrenching tool” becomes a “shovel,” that kinda thing. Enjoy:

  • Swelling tender structures with a narcissistically effervescent interplay of power. (Brown fleck in the lower left corner. )
  • An Apollonian consummation of rhythmatized linear layers. (Two stripes.)
  • Cosmically upthrusting cellular currents of timeless transfiguration. (Nothing.)
  • Prefigured vibrational synthesis as optical distance to melodic hypertrophy. (Empty canvas, signed on the back.)
  • Spiraloid, fluoric antagonisms of archetypical chimeric esotericism. (Five green triangles.)
  • A luminous, foetal and autotaxic destruction coefficient immanent in the geometric, somnambulistic precognition of lambent erosions. (An inflated condom)

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