Thursday, September 8, 2011

Bad Day

It's not the worst day ever.  It's not even the worst day I've ever had.  But I have walls closing in, and I'm hurting.

My job is causing me to be in a bad way.  I'm not good at what I do, because I'm not good with people.  And When I do things poorly, it affects my self-confidence, which hurts how I deal with people even more.  I feel like a robot programmed to interact with people on a rudimentary level, but I can't get it right.  I have no patience.  I'm not autistic--I can relate to others fine, but I can't seem to ever get "normal" interaction right.

I'm one of those people who never interacted with others my age when I was growing up.  I was too scared, tired of being humiliated by the cool kids.  I'm still paying for it to this day.  I'm lonely, but I don't know how to meet people.  I can't interact with women I'm attracted to.  I can't organize my home...all I can think of is what I get wrong.  I can't focus on what I do right.  I don't really know what kind of a friend I am to others.  I almost wish I could be an overconfident prick instead of an insecure introvert.

I'm hurting right now.

1 comment:

veryrustybrown said...

Hey - I'm a cyclist, will be riding in the MS150 in memory/honor of friends with MS.

Hang in there - love seeing your comments in AB's posts.