The Catholic League? Ridiculous? Nah...

A bit of background: The Catholic League is one of those hilarious "watchdog" organizations that has it in for anyone who criticizes the Catholic Church (regardless of whether it's deserved).  Bill Donohue, its leader, is a pathetic little nobody with a persecution complex who bleeds personally (stigmata, anyone?) anytime someone pricks the Catholic Church.  There's a joke about Catholics and pricks here someplace, where did I leave it...?

Anyway, this pompous oaf has taken it upon his munificent self to reach out to Atheists this holiday season.  

We are asking everyone to contact the American Atheist affiliate in his area [click here], letting them know of your interest in “adopting” one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”

Uh-huh.  Needless to say, this has resulted in equal parts merriment and disgust among the Atheist sectors of the Internet.  And the reaction so far has actually prompted the Catholic League to take down the link to their "Contact Us" page on the home page of their site.  Of course, they're not THAT smart, so you can still find it by going to the Donations link and then it's on that menu.  Or you can find a blogger who's already done the work to provide you a link.  You're welcome.

Out of all this low-hanging fruit, I'd like to take the following two bites:  First, for anyone who has ever thought of an Atheist as arrogant, go back and re-read the lines "closeted Christians" and "they were Christian all along" again.  I rest my case.  Second, it's absolutely true, as Greta Christina has pointed out, that Atheists are indeed, "looked upon as people who 'believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.'”  No question about that.  It's also a fine line between pointing that out and overtly accusing us of that stance, and it's really counterproductive if you're serious about reaching out to us.  And I think it's just their attempt to stir up shit, which backfired on them royally.

So here's my reply, which I had time to draw up because I'm home sick with a sinus infection:

Dear Catholic League:

Regarding your Adopt-an-Atheist campaign (I would call it Adopt-a-Rational Person campaign), I simply have this to day:

I was born and raised Catholic, so I know your religion from the inside out.  I rejected your belief system long before the perfidy of the child rape came to the forefront.  And now, your ugly religion sickens me to the core.  

I have suffered horrible depression in my lifetime for a variety of reasons.  I have been able to deal with it infinitely better since I no longer feel like I have to live up to your church's impossible standards.  

The chief source of anti-Catholic bias is Catholicism, both the dogma and the actions of those who administer it.

Your move.

Paul Lundgren
Ames, IA

That bit about anti-Catholic bias is a shot at them wanting to hear accounts of such behavior so they can have something about which to be professionally outraged and thus shake down the credible for more donations.  Must be nice, running a racket like that.

In short, Happy Holidays and Fuck Bill Donohue.