Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Open Letter to Fred Phelps

To the Reverend Fred Phelps and the Congregation of the Westboro Baptist Church.

Greetings, and God’s blessings to you on this fine day.

I am a business entrepreneur in Ames, Iowa, with a proposition for your congregation. As you may have heard, the State Supreme Court has recently ruled in favor of gay marriage under our current Constitution. Given that your church has gained such a well-deserved reputation throughout the country and, indeed, the world for drawing attention to the cause of gay rights, I thought you might be willing to take the cause to the next level. Namely, I would like to discuss with you the possible purchase of your church building so as to move it to Iowa. I have great hopes that it will serve wonderfully as a wedding chapel catering to the needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans-gendered community.

I would like to state at this time that I intend to pay your church the utmost respect it deserves. For a group of people who have done so much to underscore the need for full GLBT equality in this country, you should be granted nothing less. I would even allow all Westboro members to take part in wedding ceremonies as honored guests and even officiate, pending the completion of the appropriate paperwork in the State of Iowa, of course.

I know there are any number of gay and lesbian couples who are right now supremely willing to talk to you about all the ways in which your efforts have helped this day come about, what with your church demonstrating to the world that they are simply people with a right to live in peace, just like everyone else.

If you are interested please contact me at your earliest convenience. I await your response eagerly.

Cordially yours,

Paul Lundgren
Ames, IA

4 comments:

Lady Lund said...

Yes, but did you send it?

Cycle Ninja said...

Only if you triple-dog-dare me to do it.

Einmaliger said...

The Internets dare you to!

Claudia said...

I'm not Lady Lund, but I quadruple dog dare you to do it! Pleaaaase?