The Catholic League? Ridiculous? Nah...

A bit of background: The Catholic League is one of those hilarious "watchdog" organizations that has it in for anyone who criticizes the Catholic Church (regardless of whether it's deserved).  Bill Donohue, its leader, is a pathetic little nobody with a persecution complex who bleeds personally (stigmata, anyone?) anytime someone pricks the Catholic Church.  There's a joke about Catholics and pricks here someplace, where did I leave it...?

Spelling Errors

The US Air Force Academy now allows spellcasters...

During an inter-faith discussion group, the release notes, one cadet asked Longcrier “whether Wiccans or Pagans practiced ‘black magic.’”

Sergeant Longcrier responded by citing the Wiccan credo, or Rede: “An it harm none, do what ye will.” That would seem to preclude harmful spellcraft.

However, the Rede “would not apply to a battlefield,” according to the Academy release. Which gives new meaning to the term “magic missile.”

Am I the only one facepalming over this? Here's a level of the collective (brain) power these people have:

“If I put out a healing spell — say, I wanted to heal you from pizza poisoning — if it doesn’t work for you, but it works for somebody else, does that mean it didn’t work?” one cadet asked.

First, what the fuck is "pizza poisoning?" Second, prove it was your spell that caused the relief in a way that mere time, chemistry, and digestion would not have. I'll be waiting. Third, if I give someone a spoonful of Pepto-Bismol, I'm fairly confident it won't cure the wrong person's indigestion.

And then Wired has to go and get all cutesy...

This would be an unusual conversation at any military institution. But considering the Academy had “55 complaints of religious discrimination” against non-Christians between 2001 and 2005, it’s close to miraculous — er, magical. According to according to CNN, all “9,000 cadets and faculty and staff members are now required to take a 50-minute course on religious sensitivity."

Yeah, way to gloss over a national disgrace by kowtowing to a bunch of muddle-headed wiccans.

And for my (hypothetical) readers who might say, "But the Academy is at least becoming more tolerant," I say, "But they're not becoming more rational. They're accepting another bunch of crap thinking with the rest they're guilty of. I want rational military minds--especially field commanders--who are just a tad less enthusiastic about getting their people killed because they know there's no blissful afterlife awaiting them. Otherwise, we're no better than the Taliban in that delusion."

Tell me this: how much would the air force be sensitive to the emotional needs of atheists? Because there are atheists in foxholes, just to drive the point home to the lying evangelicals out there. I have a friend serving in the Middle East right now who's an atheist and a liberal. He's heard no shortage of conversations about how "liberals have no morals" from his squadmates. And they don't even know his beliefs. He is, unsurprisingly, not in any hurry to make those beliefs known, either. I might just make a donation to MRFF in his name, now I think of it.

Via Skepchick.

What God Destroys, Mankind Would Rebuild

Of course by now you've heard of the statue of Jesus in Ohio that was struck by lightning. Well, now the gullible schlubs are forking over their funds to rebuild the motherfucking golden calf...

"The national attention in the wake of the fire that destroyed the giant statue of Jesus outside Solid Rock Church has brought a flood of donations — and inquiries from artists — to rebuild a deluxe version of the icon along Interstate 75."

For Christ's sake... Don't you people need the money for putting on extravagant passion plays? Think of the children!

And get a load of the guy who put up this monstrosity...

"As it turns out, the "King of Kings" sculpture was insured for $500,000, about twice what it cost the church to erect it in 2004, because the original artist, Brad Coriell of Nashville, is a Christian who donated some of his time to the project, said the church's co-pastor, Darlene Bishop.

In response to an interview request, Coriell, self-described as reclusive and eccentric on his website, said Wednesday: "Isn't it wonderful!!"

"Self-described reclusive and eccentric," indeed. Code words for, "he's nuttier than Planters, but it's all in the name of Jeebus, so he's off limits."

And I need to go into some type of bullshit ministry so people can give ME a QUARTER OF A MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS TO BUILD A COMPLETELY USELESS BIT OF SELF-INDULGENCE TO A NON-EXISTENT GOD. Have you people ever heard of charity?

And I'd feel the same way if the president of a prominent atheist charity used donations to buy himself an Armani suit. Disgraceful.

I wish there was a god; I'd ask it to take a shot at the church itself next time. But if there was, he'd probably have hit St. Peters a long time ago.

Christopher Hitchens On The Evil Of The Vatican

Yeah, here's a shock: I'm bashing the Catholic Church on Palm Sunday.

Now that we have inescapable proof that the Catholic Church is nothing more than a bunch of aloof, cold, uncaring autocrats protecting their own from the authorities, let's cut to the chase:

Anyone actively donating time, money, or resources to the Catholic Church is guilty of aiding and abetting the rape and torture of innocent children.

Why? Because you remain faithful to a church who elected the worst cover-up artist of them all as your pope. Ratzinger's crimes are well-documented all over the place. And the Church's reactions are becoming downright akin to Scientology in their shamelessness: "How dare you criticize the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

Fuckers.

Go read PZ Myers' screed on the subject.

It's about time these people were held accountable by secular authorities. No other organization would get away with it; stop giving these freaks a free pass.

Now, for your listening pleasure, the eloquent dagger that is Christopher Hitchens on "Real Time with Bill Maher."



Make. Them. Pay.

Transgendered Political Appointment By Obama; Predictable Reaction By Christianists

President Obama has appointed a male-to-female transgender, Amanda Simpson, to senior technical adviser for the Commerce Department's Bureau of Industry and Security. She's got 30 years in the field and is well-respected for her abilities. Of course the Christian 'tards have congratulated her in their own, inimitable fashion:

"Is there going to be a transgender quota now in the Obama administration?" asked Peter LaBarbera, president of the anti-gay group Americans for Truth. "How far does this politics of gay and transgender activism go? Clearly this is an administration that is pandering to the gay lobby."

"Simpson's nomination was forwarded through to President Obama by a gay activist group, making it appear that this appointment of a male-to-female 'transgender' activist to a high level Commerce Department position to be payback to his far-left base for their political support," a spokeswoman for Focus on the Family said in statement.

Yeah, because knowing a woman was born with male reproductive parts (despite the perfection of Gosh's intelligent design), and yet had the audacity to take advantage of modern medical practices to correct mother nature's screw-up will make people lose Jesus.

Good. If you're his representatives on Earth, we don't want him.

(Aside, am I going to Hell for not capitalizing a pronoun pertaining to the bearded guy with doe-eyes?)

The only appropriate response is, of course, Carlin:

"Don't these professional Christians have anything to do during the day?"

Via RichardDawkins.net.

"Doctor" Convicted Of Car/Bike Road Rage

From VeloNews.com:

A Los Angeles Superior Court jury on Monday found Dr. Christopher Thomas Thompson guilty of assaulting cyclists by abruptly stopping his car in front of them on a hilly Los Angeles County road last year.

Thompson, a former emergency room doctor, was found guilty of six felonies and one misdemeanor and could face as much as five years in prison.

It wasn't his first time doing that, either. And he had the gall to use the rapist's defense: They had it coming:

According to (Investigator Robert) Rodriguez, Thompson said, “I just live up the road. I was driving to go to work. The bikers were in front of me, three across. I honked my horn and yelled ‘ride single file.’ The bicyclists flipped me off and yelled back. I passed them up and stopped in front to teach them a lesson. I’m tired of them. I’ve lived here for years and they always ride like this.”

Motherfucker.

(aside: full credit to Dr. Bruce Rogen for happening on the scene and providing medical care to the injured cyclists. Dr. Rogen is a credit to his profession. Dr. Thompson should be stripped of his license on general principles)

For those of you wondering (and all the rest of you), yes, it's legal for cyclists to ride two-abreast on a road. If you don't like it, piss off. The earlier incident I mentioned involved two cyclists who DID move to single file when they heard Thompson's car coming, and he braked in front of them anyway. No more excuses, no more concessions. We've done our part, now it's up to the motorists to give us some respect. And if you've never been buzzed at arm's reach at 45 mph, I will take your opinion with a grain of salt--if that. We have the right to the road, and we're not going away.

I think I'm going to renew my membership to the Iowa Bicycle Coalition.

Bill Donohue Brings Teh Stoopid

This is almost unfair. I think my rear-claws-only cat could shred this marshmallow of a human being. But it's a Tuesday, and my job sucks, and I need a defenseless target.

The fearless leader of the League of Extraordinary Catholics has a new guest commentary in the Washington Post. The whole point seems to be "Catholics are being attacked!" and "Buy my book!" in equal measure. And, yet again, the guy walks into a rake:

If societal destruction is the goal, then it makes no sense to waste time by attacking the political or economic structure: the key to any society is its culture, and the heart of any culture is religion. In this society, that means Christianity, the big prize being Catholicism. Which explains why secular saboteurs are waging war against it.

And Billy-boy, don't you just love all those perceived attacks against your precious church, because it gives you something to do during the day that doesn't involve getting a real job. Next:

Sexual libertines, from the Marquis de Sade to radical gay activists, have sought to pervert society by acting out on their own perversions. What motivates them most of all is a pathological hatred of Christianity. They know, deep down, that what they are doing is wrong, and they shudder at the dreaded words, "Thou Shalt Not." But they continue with their death-style anyway.

Swingandamiss!!! It should go without saying, but any Catholic mouthpiece braying about sex, perversions, pathologies, and "thou shalt not" needs to be hammered over and over and over again with "Thou shalt not rape their followers." Or, alternately, "Thou shalt not co-habitate with them, get them pregnant, then neglect their paternal duties." Radical gay activists, indeed--project much? And your church's continued insistence on celibacy for your priests is what leads to all of these heinous acts, which are contributing to its own death spiral. "Death style," if you like.

Oh, and what, exactly, is so "radical" about decent human beings wanting equal rights? The notion that homosexuality is a perversion is yet another excuse to point and laugh as the rake handle knocks another tooth loose. Next:

There was a time when Hollywood made reverential movies about Christianity. But those days are long gone. Now they just insult.

WAAAAAAHHH!!! Hollywood is mean to me! WAAAAAAHHH!!!

Once you've quit crying, ya big sissy, lissenup: I would agree with you that the Catholic Church is a big, fat, easy target. I also agree with you that your church doesn't deserve it. Well, except for the rape, the coverups, the payoffs of the victims, the cynicism, the hypocrisy, the homophobia (project much?), the prohibitions against women being in control of their bodies, and the idiocy of your pope on virtually everything. Oh, and the funny uniforms need to go, too; they make target acquisition too easy. Next:

The only way secular saboteurs can be stopped is by an alliance of religious conservatives across faith lines. The good news is that this is already happening. In the fight over gay marriage, the scorecard is 30-0: traditional Catholics, evangelical Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Orthodox Christians, Muslims, and Mormons, along with a big contribution from the Latino and African American communities, have succeeded in throwing a roadblock at this crazy idea.

Thanks for providing us a convenient list of bigots. We'll get back to you.

(Go here for a list of logical fallacies and look up "Argumentum ad populum." Basically, "Just because a lot of people believe it, doesn't make it true. Or in this case, doesn't make it morally right. And any half-assed debate coach would be able to tell that to a high school freshman.)

I'll skip to the last paragraph...it's a real howler:

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they're too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

YOU SCREAMING DUMBO, BILL! You're saying all you need to do is continue to use women as brood mares (quiverful movement, anyone?), then indoctrinate the innocent litters of kids that result into your warped, twisted, and just plain wrong way of looking at the world, and expect it to carry it on throughout their lifetimes. What an arrogant, cynical asshole.

I have every confidence that there is some type of inherent tendency for individuals to be religious or skeptical. I'm living proof of that...I had every excuse growing up to be a lifelong Catholic. I grew up in the era before the Internet, and I went to a Catholic school fuhcryinoutloud. Didn't work. I'm the type of person who's inclined to not believe anything at face value. Ususally...nobody's perfect.

But to suggest that you're just going to keep pounding this guilt, shame, and impossible-to-live-up-to standards into kids until it runs out their ears because queers shouldn't marry... sir, you are a disgrace to your species. All you're really doing is instilling in these kids a perpetual sense of self-loathing. Which, I might add, I battle myself. Daily.

I hope you're satisfied, because a loathsome beast like you will never be happy.
---
Update: Andrew Sullivan gives the editors of the WaPo some constructive criticism:

That this column - pure fact-free fulmination, jammed with grotesque generalizations, and no actual arguments - ran in the Washington Post tells you that they are either desperate or just beyond caring what appears under their auspices. Did Jon Meacham and Sally Quinn actually sign off on this as a serious piece of commentary? Their faces are grinning at the top of it.

---
More: Daylight Atheism takes to the screed with a civil scalpel more effective than my own sarcastic sledgehammer.

Int'l Blasphemy Day: Open Letter To Bill Donohue

Today is International Blasphemy Day. Given that my namesake, St. Paul the Wordsmith, was all about letters, I decided to write one to the biggest bloated windbag and media whore at the beck and call of the Catholic Church (whether they want him or not). On that note, a reading from the First Letter of Paul to the Catholic League.

To: Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League
From: Paul Lundgren, aka "Cycle Ninja," z-list blogger, reality-based human
Re: International Day of Blasphemy

Dear Mr. Donohue:

Like most things on this blog, this missive is going to be random scattered bits of irony, dry humor, exasperation, and just plain outrage, and it might ramble on a bit, but please bear with me. One thing I will promise is that I will drop no foul language, but believe me, it'll be a strain.

I am taking time on this, the International Day of Blasphemy, to call you out on your disgraceful behavior in defending the criminal actions of your church. Your website states, quote,

"And today's brand of anti-Catholicism is more virulent and more pervasive than ever before in American history. While it is true that Catholics as individuals have made progress in securing their rights, the degree of hostility exhibited against the Catholic Church is appalling. Quite simply, Catholic bashing has become a staple of American society."

Bluntly speaking, you deserve it. Your church has no claim to morality of any kind anymore at all. The crimes committed under the steeples of your church all over the world are what are truly appalling. But the cover-ups, the papal edicts ordering the cover-ups, and the consistent, system-wide, organized reaction of the church to protect its reputation first, minimize the financial damage second, and make amends--maybe--third is inexcusable and make me want to barf. You have no excuses anymore. You are not a model of piety and morality, you are an ironclad example of how NOT to do morality.

(And that bit about "securing their rights" is a real howler--when was the last time any Christian-based church in this country had any right to bitch about lack of rights? Maybe the Mormons, but still--being taken seriously and having immunity from criticism and mockery is not a right, dimwit--it's an earned privilege. Oh, and ask a gay person in this country about the actions of your free-to-marry parishoners in passing laws that are biased against gay rights, and then use that line about your rights--you'll get an earful. In short, burn that strawman, it doesn't apply.)

Now, back to morality: let's cite one single example that is all-too-predictable: I am a native of Fort Madison, IA. A few years back, I personally received a notice from the Diocese of Davenport informing me that I had such-and-such time to file notice that I had a claim in a class-action suit against the diocese in a sex-abuse-by-priests scandal. Gee, imagine that. And I recently learned that my own home town is the site of such a scandal.

Two lawsuits claim (Rev. James) Janssen abused boys under the age of 14 at St. Joseph Parish in Fort Madison, where the priest served as assistant pastor from 1961 to 1967.

Not me, personally; before I was born, even. But my home parish! Your church has for centuries built up the trust (read: blind obedience) of its followers from birth, and then betrayed them over and over and over again. You deserve all the scorn and "Catholic bashing" you get, many times over.

And you, sir, deserve your own personal amount of it for your shameless defense of the church. Or I should say, for your shameless attacks on the perceived enemies of the church. You know, those people who correctly cite the church's crimes and have the audacity to hold the joint responsible for them? Even during the shameful revelation of the abuses taking place in boarding schools in Ireland, you poo-pooed the abuses those boys and girls (now men and women) had gone through. When was the last time you suffered any real hardship, sir? Or is it because of your own unhappy childhood that you have taken this task upon yourself?

Regardless of your motives for maintaining your post with such vigor, let me give you a brief insight into how the public perceives you...You are nothing more than a self-appointed mouthpiece for the most obviously corrupt church in the world with the exception of the Church of Scientology. You are a vile buffoon with an unfortunate-but-appropriate resemblance to Karl Rove whose sputtering would be absolutely laughable were it not for the fact that the bile belching from your ugly mouth reflects your sincere attempts to un-ironically justify the worst kind of crimes against humans--crimes that leave physical and mental scars for lifetimes--simply because they were committed by Catholic priests and therefore, it's all fine and dandy.

The Church of Scientology does the same thing. L. Ron Hubbard was famous for stating, "Attack, never defend." Well, look how well that works. If there is a strategy more guaranteed to fail than that, I'd like to hear it.

Your Catholic league bears several similarities to the CoS, by the way. You constantly rant about your membership of 300,000+ individuals, but you and you alone are the only member we ever hear of. That makes me seriously question the veracity of your figures. Or, again like the C of Sci, how you arrive at those figures. You, too, have an unfailing belief that everything Catholic is good by definition, and that anyone who says anything bad about the church--even if true--is bad-if-not-evil by definition. Here's the real deal, skippy: you are an insecure little nobody of a human being with all the inherent scariness of a de-horned pufferfish. Take away the prickliness, and you have no substance at all. You, sir, are a loathsome insect.

And if you haven't noticed, the egg sac which spawned you is not exactly thriving. USA Today, among many others, documents the decline not only of the priesthood, but of the dues-paying membership. There are all kids of scientific reasons, but here's my own (unscientific) take. As with most things in life, it's all about the Internet. Seriously.

As others have pointed out, the Internet has been the death of the Church of Scientology. I believe it will be so for the Catholic Church, as well. Not in the sense that an institution that massive will EVER become extinct (although I live in hope). However, once all of the mysteries and secrets are out in the open, good luck trying to sell the usual sales pitches to get people with even a modicum of critical thinking skills to swallow it.

Taken in that context, it doesn't surprise me at all that the church is investing a lot of resources in Africa. You have a population that is suffering massive deprivations from HIV/AIDS, and the corresponding despair and desperation that goes with it, and is inarguably far behind other parts of the world in Internet infrastructure, let alone access. Combine those with a tradition of witchcraft and shamanism, and the church is exploiting an easy market.

What is also not surprising is the fear-mongering. A Catholic bishop in Africa has made the outrageous claim that condoms come pre-infected with HIV. (Last I heard, he was still on the job). Your pope's cynical idiocy and vapidity on the subject have already been torn apart. And yet, people will believe them, because of the inherent superstitions of the population, superstitions which go back centuries.

But you can't keep it up forever. Information is the enemy of superstition. The more people who are able to see how utterly ridiculous are your church's beliefs, how callously indifferent to human feelings are its doctrines, and how disgracefully cynical are its actions in the real world, the more people will reject them.

And again, your actions are helping bring that day about. Your comedy routine of stepping on the rake to make the end of the handle whack you in the puss is contributing to the amount of derision your church deserves. Remember, this is your church's fault. Point fingers all you want, we'll keep laughing, and encouraging others to do the right thing and leave.

In short, keep up the good work!

Sincerely yours,

Paul Lundgren
Ames, IA

PS: The same Constitutional Amendment that gives you the right to practice your religion as you see fit is the same Amendment that gives me and many others the right to call you on your baloney. Remember that.

PPS: I'll say hi to Penn and Teller for you when I'm in Vegas next spring.

Helen Philpot Spanks The Republican Party

You know, this is the one good thing about getting old...you can say anything you want and not give a damn anymore...

Honestly, if I could , I would put the entire Republic party over my knee and give them a good spanking. What does it say about our country if the biggest debate of the decade is no longer about the two wars we are fighting but rather about preventing children and families from having access to affordable healthcare? I’ll tell you what it says to me. It says the Christian Right never really was and Value Voters aren’t very valuable.

And she gets personal, too:

Sarah Palin is worried about death squads. I think she should spend a little more time worrying about getting at least one child into college.

Rush Limbaugh is worried about Socialism. That’s a big word for a college drop out, but isn’t it nice when such a wealthy person shows so much concern for poor little us. I wonder if he’ll spend a little of his $400 million contract and write you ditto heads a check when you can’t afford your hospital bills.

And go read what she has to say about Michele Bachmann.

The Razor-Blade Arms Race

A "quote" from a Gillette official as it appeared in the Onion, 2004:

"Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades."

CNN's Money site, 2009:

"Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back."

Have these people never heard of Norelco?

Plus, like any good comedian, Dara O'Briain works his magic:



Via Ed Brayton.

Facebook: The Death of the Inner Voice

[Commence rant]

I've been wanting to say this to a Facebook friend for some time, but I decided to post it here, instead.

SHUT UP, ALREADY!!!

It seems like you're live-blogging your every emotional whim on that stupid site, and it's pissing me off. Furthermore, we KNOW you're needy, whiny, narcissistic, high-maintenance, and that your mother doesn't love you enough. Do like the rest of us and GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY.

This is just like blogging, only worse...just because you CAN write anything and everything and post it out there for the whole world in a pathetic attempt at understanding, doesn't mean you SHOULD. I got news for you, and I need to be reminded of this myself sometimes...the number of people in the world who actually care about your complaints is approximately 1% of those who will tolerate it out of politeness. Quit airing your dirty laundry in public.

[End rant]

Further Proof That Comic Books Are Intellectually Bankrupt

Before I move on, let me set the record straight: I consider the two Batman movies with Christian Bale and the Iron Man flick with Robert Downey, Jr. to be three of the best movies I've ever seen. Because they're action movies that remembered the first rule of good moviemaking: It's the storyline, stupid!

But now this:

"On Monday, Marvel Studios announced that Natalie Portman has been added to the cast of the upcoming big-budget Thor flick, scheduled to begin production early next year. She'll play "an updated version" of Jane Foster, a character who served as love interest for both the God of Thunder and his earthly alter-ego, Dr. Don Blake, back in the Thor comic's early years."

Further proof that now that Marvel has its own movie studio, it's even more determined than ever to make a movie out of EVERY SINGLE MARVEL CHARACTER EVER PUT TO INK! And in the case of Spider Man 3, stuffing as many of the villains into one movie as you can, thus watering the soup in the process.

Folks, do you think it's about time to put Stan Lee to pasture and let some fresh blood into the mix?

The Idiocy of Airline Security

My friend, Jesse, will appreciate this one. Pro bike racer Phil Gaimon, on the TSA zombies:

"To get my bike bag down to 49 pounds (and under the airline overweight limit), I took various parts out of my bag at random, tossing them into my carry-on. Going through security, I found it interesting that cranks and chainrings were permitted on the flight, but my iced tea was deemed too dangerous."

Hey, as long as it fit all the way under the seat in front of him...

Seriously, a bike crank could do more damage than the improvised weapons the 9/11 terrorists used, you just have to know how to swing one properly.

Dumbasses.

Bicycles vs. Cars vs. Buses

A beauty of a picture here:



From The Dish's description:

"Image via SUNY Stonybrook Department of Geosciences (h/t: Ian Swain, Martin Prosperity Institute). This poster, courtesy of the city of Muenster, Germany, illustrates the different amounts of space taken up by different kinds of transit.

• Bicycle - 90 sq. m for 71 people to park their bikes.
• Car - 1000 sq. m for 72 people to park their care (avg. occupancy of 1.2 people per car).
• Bus - 30 sq m for the bus."
  

I'd love to hear what certain dimwits in the media have to say about this. George Will went on a rant the other day:

"Does (Transportation Secretary Ray) LaHood really think Americans were not avid drivers before a government highway program "promoted" driving? Does he think 0.01 percent of Americans will ever regularly bike to work? Intercity high-speed rail probably always will be the wave of the future, for cities more than 300 miles apart."

Matt Yglesias schools him:

"Will claims to find it unbelievable that as many as 0.01 percent of Americans would ever bike to work regularly. But rather than tossing off ridicule, he might have looked up the Census Bureau’s statistics on commuting patterns and seen that right now 0.4 percent of commuters normally get to work on bicycles. Now that’s a small percentage. But it’s forty times larger than a percentage that Will deems unrealistically utopian. This would be like saying Dwight Howard is 2 feet tall.

As for high-speed rail, San Francisco and Los Angeles aren’t that much more than 300 miles apart. Indeed, they’re about as far apart as Barcelona and Madrid, which are currently served by a very successful high speed rail link. What’s more, while metropolitan San Francisco is about the same size as metro Barcelona (4.2 million people, give or take), metropolitan Los Angeles’s 12.8 million residents is a much larger city than Madrid with its 5.3 million."

IOW, Will is becoming increasingly irrelevant. Which is a shame, because we need smart conservative commentators, not just those who can throw out pithy phrases about things they don't like.

Andrew Sullivan on Torture

Apparently Pat Boone, who as we all know is the foremost expert on political ethics and foreign policy in this country, has yet another stupid screed saying--in essence--that the "terrorists" had it coming, and that he, Boone, had it worse growing up because his mother used a belt:

"May I tell you that my own mama inflicted more actual physical pain on me and my brother Nick – raising welts on our butts with a sewing machine belt when we got really out of line – than any of the techniques, including "waterboarding," that detainees of the U.S. military have endured. Sept. 11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed endured it supposedly 183 times, experiencing no lasting damage, but divulging information that has saved thousands of American lives. How can you compare his gasping feeling of drowning with the actual torture John McCain suffered in North Vietnam, breaking his bones and impairing him permanently? "

Andrew Sullivan turns his arguments to roadkill:

Some facts: John McCain disagrees with Boone that waterboarding isn't torture. And McCain broke his bones before captivity. The torture McCain suffered was the Vietnamese refusing to offer medical treatment for his injuries - something George W. Bush directly wanted to do with respect to the wounds of Abu Zubaydah. McCain was beaten repeatedly, also routine for prisoners under George W. Bush. McCain was also subject to solitary confinement - check - and roped stress positions. The stress positions Bush authorized were mainly not ropes, although prisoners were stretched from shackles preventing them from resting. President Bush refrained in his speech backing McCain's nomination in 2008 from describing McCain's treatment as "torture." He couldn't. He used the term "beatings and isolation". If he had used the term "torture", he would have been conceding that he believes the US committed torture under his command.

I do not know the details of Boone's childhood. But my best guess is that he was not stripped naked by strangers, thrown into a dark and cold cell for weeks, shackled so he could never rest, kept awake by insistent deafening noise, doused in water to induce hypothermia, told no one would ever see him again, and strapped to a waterboard and near-drowned scores of times."

Pat Boone is starting to look like chum in the water, and he doesn't have a bigger boat.

Posthumous Mormon Baptism of Barack Obama's Mother?

[commence rant]

Ben Smith comments on a report from Americablog that the Mormon Church posthumously baptized Barack Obama's mother this past June:

""The offering of baptism to our deceased ancestors is a sacred practice to us and it is counter to Church policy for a Church member to submit names for baptism for persons to whom they are not related," said spokeswoman Kim Farah in an emailed statement. "The Church is looking into the circumstances of how this happened and does not yet have all the facts. However, this is a serious matter and we are treating it as such."

Mormons believe that souls cannot enter heaven without undergoing baptism and other sacraments, and that those sacraments can be given by proxy after death. The practice of posthumous baptism by proxy has caused controversy in the past, as when Jewish groups raised objections to the baptism of victims of the Holocaust."

Did you notice the qualifier, "...to whom they are not related"? I have little doubt that if kinship could be proven between Obama's mother and a real Mormon, everything about this would be just fine and dandy with them.

Seriously, these people scrounge through genealogical records to find the flimsiest of relationships to haul these hapless victims into their slimy membership ranks. Do they demand a tithe from the family's estate for the privilege?

It's in my will that these fruit bats shall not baptize me posthumously. I was baptized a Catholic without my consent, and that's enough for one lifetime.

I find it amusing the lengths to which some faiths will go to look legitimate. Look, Mormons, your faith was founded less than 200 years ago by a guy who claimed he found ancient Egyptian gold tablets buried next to his farm near Palmyra, New York, which said Jesus came to America for a little R&R after the Resurrection and in doing so told some schmuck that the Native Americans were the embodiment of evil (later translated to blacks and now gays), and that they should have as many wives and children as possible. And you think swelling your roster with people after they die is going to make you look less batshitcrazy? At best, it makes you look craven.

Oh, and BTW, your conduct regarding Prop 8 in California should merit your removal from tax-exempt status for a religion or church. You want to overtly meddle in politics? You should be made to pay for it.

[conclude rant]

Via Sullivan.
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Later: PZ Myers unloads.
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Update 2: My response to the comment of Anonymous below.

Vatican can dish it out, can't take it

Oh, the poor, poor pope. He gets reamed after putting his foot in his mouth over condom use, but we can't make fun of him.

Just to remind everyone:

Speaking to reporters on his way to Cameroon's capital, Yaounde, the Pope said HIV/Aids was "a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem".

The solution lies in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer", the AFP news agency quotes him as saying."

Of course, everyone with a brain in their heads shot him down as being up to and including an evil quack, but the Vatican, typically, is not backing down:

"We will not accept the Pope being made the object of mockery and offense, in the media or elsewhere," said Angelo Bagnasco, the country's top bishop, citing the "controversy about condoms".

"He represents for everyone a moral authority, which this journey has made people appreciate even more," Bagnasco said."

Fuck you very much, you phony bullshit holy man. The pope said something stupid, irresponsible, and demonstrably untrue. And unlike spouting some nonsense about whether or not the communion wafer is really the literal body of Christ, or the Immaculate Conception, this is an issue that can cost real humans their health and their lives. There is zero excuse for saying that condom use leads to HIV infection.

And for those of you who think you can defend the pope, fuck you, too. It's not like he flubbed saying the inconsistent use of condoms leads to HIV infection (which is true). He's saying that spirituality and other bullshit nonsense is preferable to proven scientific means of disease prevention.

For the billion and 20th time, the Vatican and its latest corpse-in-waiting are trying to say that all we have to do to prevent sexually transmitted disease is to avoid sex. Period. In other words, just suppress 400 million years of vertebral evolution, our basic primate nature, and the natural and healthy outlet of what can be a beautiful and intimate expression of affection and love, and it'll work just like all the other times in the past.

Sure, no problems there. Just look at your own priesthood. Or for that matter, call up a study on teenage pregnancy rates or teenage STD infection rates. I'm sure that the Catholics are at a big, fat zero for all of recorded history.

Or better yet, don't. Just retract your statement, say you're sorry, and then SHUT UP.

Forever.

Moral authority, my ass.

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Via Skepchick.

US Senate: Bush is the torture president

This report is bi-partisan, unequivocal, and damning. Bush knew about torture, and actively authorized it. John McCain's signature is on the report, as is every other Republican member of that committee. This is not a matter of a Democratic-controlled Senate taking potshots at an outgoing Republican president. This is a universal condemnation by leaders of BOTH parties. Andrew Sullivan's take is here. And I agree with every single word:

"Let's be absolutely clear what this means: When we saw an image of Lynndie England pulling a naked prisoner around on a leash, we assumed at the time that she improvised this, or was some kind of "bad apple." This is and was a conscious lie to the Congress, and to the American people, and to the world. The person who authorized the use of nudity and leashes on prisoners was not Lynndie England or any of the other grunts thrown to the wolves. The man who authorized the technique shown below is the president of the United States:"

Me again: I want to make a few things about this post abundantly clear. First, yes, I'm a passionate hater of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. I hate them so much I cannot stand to look at them. They are disgusting plutocrats who care for nothing but absolute power (Cheney maintained his stock holdings in Haliburton while they were being awarded non-competitive bids to rebuild Iraq, which made him even more obscenely wealthy than he already was. Add "war profiteer" to his list of crimes). I detest them in the same way I detest all of their lot throughout history. But I have reasons to hate them. They have disgraced our country in a way we have seldom seen. They have authorized TORTURE, a clear violation of American law, the Geneva conventions, common decency, and CHRISTIAN VIRTUE. Not that such virtue matters to me, per se, but I'm throwing that out there for the sake of certain people in my life who have chided me (if not reamed me out) for my hatred of Bush/Cheney as being "unChristian."

You're assuming they're true Christians in the first place. And you're assuming that hatred and Christianity are mutually incompatible.

But I digress...the facts are this: Bush and Cheney are criminals. They should be in prison. They have disgraced a country I love (however much I may bitch about it and however angry and disgusted it makes me at times). They deserve to be punished, shamed, and degraded for all time. They divided us for the sake of political divide-and-conquer tactics at a time when they could have made the most of the unity brought about by the 9/11 attacks. Bush said, "You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists." To which I say, sir, that true patriotism is the ability to criticize your country when it is in the wrong. It's like a marriage: you tell your spouse they're embarrassing you because you love them, not despite that. And fuck you for calling us un-American, sir, when you crapped on the Bill of Rights and spied on Americans unlawfully.



And before you accuse me of shitting on "the troops," I say this: There have been plenty of honorable, brave people conducting themselves in this war in the finest tradition of the American military. But my admiration stops when certain people stoop to this kind of conduct. You are at that instant the perpetrator of atrocity, not a soldier doing your duty. And there are numerous accounts of people refusing, most notably JAG lawyers who resigned rather than prosecute Guantanamo inmates whose confessions had been tortured out of them.

I have other friends who say that we need time to let history judge Bush. To which I retort: William Shirer met the same resistance to his book The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. There are some instances in which the facts are so clear, so unequivocal, and so shameful that we need to confront them immediately (which is more than I can say for most of the mainstream media and the White House press corps collectively). This is a blight on our nation's history that needs to be dealt with right now, not after we know whether or not the intel for going into Iraq was valid at the time (that's another blog post). It's how we conducted ourselves afterward that showed that we were led by the same type of monsters that al-Qaeda recruits were taught to believe we were run by.

And you will never, ever, change my mind about any of this, so don't even try.

Olbermann on Bush's historical legacy

Maybe the best one-stop shopping place for the dishonor that is our outgoing President:

Another Catholic molestation cover-up

From PZ Myers:

You knew this was coming, right? How else to honor World Youth than for Cardinal Pell, Archbishop of Sydney, to cover up an incident of child molestation by a Catholic priest? It's traditional!

I have nothing further to add. But I will anyway: I'd like to take out an ad in my local newspaper calling for a boycott of Child Rape Incorporated until they show me some integrity, because they have none.